• Charlie Teljeur

The Birdwatcher's Guide To Spotting the Aymeekooper

The Aymeekooper (staybakdarkmann) is a tall, thin bird with a penchant for large urban parks. While it was once believed to be a very secretive and elusive creature, bird enthusiasts have claimed more and more Aymeekooper sightings recently in the lower 48 states. 

It is highly unlikely that these are actual Aymeekoopers however since this particular bird does not have that sort of migration range. 

It’s more likely that the birds in question are Blonde-Headed Carins (eyeneedtospeektooahmanajer) who are becoming much more commonplace around the United States and even in parts of Canada. 

While subjectively beautiful, the sheer number of Blonde-headed Karens that can be found today have made them largely a nuisance bird in the ornithological community.

Aymeekoopers are very territorial creatures. You would be strongly advised to keep your distance should you spot one although they seem to be especially sensitive to dark colors. 

If startled or spooked, the Aymeekooper can become hysterical, prancing around, feathers puffed up in a dramatic dance in defence of its territory - remarkably even when it is not under any sort of threat. 

Ornithologists are puzzled as to what exactly causes this strange phenomenon to occur but research has led them to hypothesize that the Aymeekooper may have a genetic disorder that creates wild, uncontrollable paranoia.

While the Aymeekooper is indeed a strange bird it does have an interesting plethora of songs for us to enjoy. 

Under normal, calmer conditions the Aymeekooper may serenade you with its typical and cheery YOOGOGERL or EYEGOTTDISS. Under extreme duress however the Amymeekooper will blazenly belt out a sharp shrill KALLDAKOPS! KALLDAKOPS! until “help” arrives or the perceived danger has been removed.

Ornithological experts advise you to record Aymeekoopers whenever you can so even non-birding individuals can witness the strange actions of this silly, silly bird.

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